Euphoria of Love

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They said first three years of marriage is an euphoric area, a mini version of heaven where everything is perfect and happy. I personally didnt believe this. I am a hopeless romantic, marrying a guy who barely gave me flower and sweet words? No way it will be all lovey dovey!
I practically laughed at such idea, especially it’s my boyfriend (now husband) that I am talking about. I dont think he’s the type that will swoon me with all the romantic honeymoon phase life.

But guess what? I am totally wrong! No, I wasnt wrong with the part of my unromantic boyfriend, that is still valid as I am speaking, but I was totally too cynical in seeing marriage! It isnt all happy because of flowery glorious romance, but it could be an ecstasy made by another side of human nature: kindness.
My husband probably isnt the romantic type, but he certainly is the kindest guy I’ve ever been with! His kindness melted my heart, everyday. I know it’s been only 2 months so far, and yet I feel like I am the happiest woman on earth! The luckiest too!
You know when they said the happiest moment in a girl’s life is during wedding? Mine is not that, definitely now is sooo much better!
I have found my best friend, a reliable protector, a partner, a brother, a father, and a lover in one good package! Damn you, stealing my heart away like this! :))

I am sorry if I exaggerated a lot and if you feel like puking reading this, thinking that I am over the moon only because of the euphoria of honeymoon phase, maybe you are right. Definitely maybe you are damn right.

But I dont want this feeling gone wasted just like that and someday it might be replaced by new less happy feeling. I want to record this, to remember that for once, at least, I am very very happy to have him by my side, for the first time, I feel secure.
I also want to remember that he helped me in many house chores: dishes, cooking, washing clothes, cleaning the house, he did them without complaining. He was very patient to me whenever I am throwing tantrum. If someday things change and storm appears, I want to at least remember that he is a very kind and gentle-hearted guy (and I believe he will always be). I want to remember that right now, right this second as I am typing it, I have developed such a strong feeling toward him, and I wish it’d be forever (however cliche that may sound!), I feel so damn lucky to have him. And most importantly, I want to remember that I love him. Yes, I do love him!

First Eid Adha Together

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Yesterday was our first Eid. It was a very quite and usual day. Husband went to pray at nearby Pakistani Mosque which unfortunately only allowed male for Eid prayer. As I cant find any mosque nearby where I could pray at, I preferred to stay at home and cooked for him. Not bad, I managed to heat up sambal goreng ati that I cooked the night before, beef rendang and cooked stir-fried broccoli. It wasnt the best Eid I had experienced, but it wasnt that bad either.

My mom asked me on the phone about my daily activities here and somehow it reminds me that I still do not have a job (full time or part time). It feels lonely sometimes, and I wish I’d have more people to talk to. I really hope I could get a productive activity to keep me busy (and probably earn money).
Dont get me wrong, I do enjoy being a housewife too. It feels good whenever I am cooking and baking. Especially I can just sleep whenever I want (haha). I guess the problem is no friend I could talk and share things with. That could actually depress me (I am an extrovert, so yeah).
Anyway, am gonna start to learn Japanese again to keep myself busy before I apply for Japanese Language School next year. Wish me luck! Bismillah 🙂

New Journey

I will let this entry has no picture. In about 2 hours I will leave Indonesia for Japan. This is certainly not my first time. But believe me, this is probably the one that has deepest meaning to my heart. I am going as a wife of someone. I will about to create a new life, a new family, embark in a new whole journey.
As I watched my parents’ backs walking away, my heart sunk. This is not the first time I am leaving them, and yet I feel like this is my real first experience. Coming home may mean different place now, it’ll no longer mean my parents’ house.
I will miss both of them.

Oh, how I wish I am in rush right now so I dont need to contemplate with teary eyes in front of so many people!
I envy a little boy nearby me who could freely cry as her mother walks through departure gate.
The immature-cry-baby side of me kicks in, wanting to burst out and cry out loud! Am going to make a scene! Haha

You know, I spent my childhood wanting for time to go faster, I was so impatient to be an adult, to go to college, to get a job, to be married, and now that I have done those, I started to regret why I wanted to rush things. I lost my time to enjoy things around me, forgot how important to treasure moments with family, and ignore small little good things because I was too busy wanting to fastforward time.
It’s sad that it took me 24 years to realize how old my parents are and will be even older as I grow older. Had I realize it, I’d prefer to stay little so my parents wont get old and weary, so they could stay young and healthy, so they dont have to leave me someday. Gosh, now I am crying while i am writing.
There are so many things I have regretted for not doing; for (still) not being able to say “I love you” directly to my parents, for (still) not be able being patient when they were being stubborn, for not making them happy enough. There are so many things I wish to say, many cakes recipes I want to try and know their responses, many stories I want to share, many things I want to do for them and with them.

I hope Allah will still grant us His grace for me and my family to gather and laugh again, to love again.

The new journey I am about to embark on is a whole new experience. I dont know what kind of life I will have. But after 24 years living in this world, at least I know one thing:
I am not going to be in rush. I will enjoy every awaking moment, every second of it, every touch and every smile, each and every teardrop, every prayer, every small tiny moment, all of it, with my husband and my beloved family. I dont want to have any regret, not today, not tomorrow, not ever.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. By Allah’s name on my heart, I began this journey. May Allah always bless me and you.