Rembulan

Kulukis rembulan di wajahmu yang syahdu

Yang cantik, yang bulat bersinar rupawan

Matamu yang besar berbinar

Aduhai, siapa tidak jatuh hati padamu

Kulukis rembulan di wajahmu yang menawan

Yang memanggut hati setiap yang memandang

Pipimu yang merah merona

Alangkah, siapa tidak jatuh hati padamu

Kulukis rembulan, mentari dan jagat raya ini

Hidupku, nafasku, cintaku, jantungku, jiwaku

Pada setiap tarikan nafasmu dan detak nadimu

Sayangku, siapa yang tidak jatuh hati padamu.

Right After

Sekarang baru seminggu lebih sejak kamu dilahirkan, Reika-ku. Aduh, kamu makin cantik dimata ibumu ini, makin menggemaskan, makin jatuh hati rasanya tiap liat kamu. 

Tapi ibumu ini juga makin sadar bahwa membesarkan manusia itu tidak mudah, ibumu ini kaget dan kecapekan. Padahal baru beberapa hari, itupun banyak dibantu oleh eyang uti dan eyang kakung mu. Ga kebayang gimana rasanya jadi eyang utimu yang membesarkan 4 anak sampai sekarang. 

Ibumu memang capek, hampir jatuh sakit, kurang tidur, kadang terselip harapan supaya kamu anteng malam hari dan ibu bisa tidur. Tapi kemudian ibu merasa bersalah. 

Usia sebulan hidupmu, hanya ada sekali dan berlangsung selama sebulan saja. Kamu ga akan selamanya menjadi mahluk mungil yang hanya bisa menangis dan merajuk sedikit saat lapar atau saat popokmu basah. Perlahan kamu akan tumbuh menjadi anak yang berlari di taman, masuk TK, kemudian sekolah dan nantinya mungkin menjadi gadis remaja, dan seterusnya. Usia sebulan mu, Reika, terlalu singkat untuk aku keluhkan. 

Sayangku Reika, ibu akan berusaha membahagiakanmu, menggunakan waktu sebaiknya untuk menyimpan semua kenangan tentang dirimu, sebulan, dua bulan, setahun, selamanya. 

April 10, 2015

I want to remember this memory forever; possibly keep it in a pensieve and look it back later, or give it to my children. 

Today is my last day at the hospital after 5 nights staying here since the delivery of my first child. 


This exact moment when my fingers typing the touchscreen keyboard; with Reika sleeping peacefully on her box, the sound of what seems to be my Philippine roommate roaming through her magazine and calming down her baby at the same time, the flutter noise of air conditioning. The quiet and peaceful night, possibly the thing that I will miss a lot in the next one year. 


My thoughts are traveling through time and spaces; thinking about my parents at my apartment, my husband and our first date, the projection of random scenes of future with Reika, and me dreadfully scared of what future behold, because life will keep moving on and by adding one more of many precious people I dont want to lose ever, it scares me. That someday I might will (well chances are either I watch them go, or the other way around). 


I want to remember this very moment; the euphoria of finally meeting Reika, the creature that has been kicking my belly like crazy at nights, the one that I will give up my life for, and the little one so beautiful in my eyes that I am so stunned everytime I see her face. 

The feeling of melancholy, thinking how much I have sinned for always arguing with my mom, and dad. Not fully knowing how much they have given for me all these years, every second of their lives, starting from knowing I existed in my mother’s womb, until now. 

The blessed feeling for finding the best husband ever, fighting through stereotype and blessed that he is the best I could ever ask for. He sticks through, share my pain, and just be there. Oh, if only words are enough to describe how much I love you! 


I dont want these feelings to fade away, though it might, but I want to remember that once upon a time, I was lying on my bed, typing this while thinking about people around me and how God has given me a blissful life, and tears starting to run on my cheek because I just feel so grateful, or probably hormone, and then I want to remember that this moment existed and that I wish for time to just freeze for awhile so I can enjoy these feelings slowly, meaningfully, and gratefully. 

Alhamdulillah.